A Message to My Past Self: On Healing, Guilt, and Growth
“Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.”– Brené Brown
A Letter to My Past Self
Dear Me,
You were doing your best within the limits of your awareness. You weren’t yet conscious of what lived in the shadows, or of the patterns that quietly guided your choices. You couldn’t have done it differently, because you hadn’t yet learned what you now carry with you.
There is no shame in that. You were growing, even in the moments that felt like stumbling. You were searching, even when you didn’t know what for. And every step—even the painful ones—brought you to the awareness you hold today.
So I honor you, past self. I forgive you. And I thank you for surviving in the ways you knew how.
How This Applies to the Therapy Process
Many people enter therapy carrying a heavy load of guilt, shame, and self-judgment. These emotions are powerful, but they are rarely productive. In fact, they often keep us stuck. They convince us that we are broken, bad, or unworthy, when in truth we were simply doing the best we could with what we knew at the time.
Therapy is a process of becoming more conscious—of uncovering the “unconscious” patterns, beliefs, and reactions that once guided us without our awareness. With new insight comes new freedom. We begin to recognize that what happened in the past was not a matter of weakness or failure, but of limited awareness. And now, with greater awareness, we can make different choices.
The Backpack of Guilt and Shame
I often tell clients to imagine they are carrying a backpack full of heavy rocks. Each rock represents a piece of shame, guilt, or harsh self-judgment they’ve been holding onto. Maybe it’s the memory of something they regret, or a way they believe they should have “done better.” Over time, the backpack becomes unbearably heavy. It slows them down, keeps them from moving toward their goals, and drains the energy they need for growth.
But here’s the truth: carrying that backpack doesn’t help you become the person you want to be. It doesn’t help you reach your goals. It only increases suffering.
A Different Way Forward
What if, instead of punishing yourself for what you didn’t know, you offered compassion to the parts of you that were just trying to get through? What if you honored your past self for surviving, and trusted your present self to keep learning and growing?
Healing begins with love and acceptance. Not because what happened doesn’t matter, but because shame and guilt are not the teachers you need anymore. Self-understanding, self-forgiveness, and compassion are.
So put down the backpack. Set aside the heavy rocks of shame and guilt. Love yourself. Accept yourself. And walk forward lighter, freer, and more fully alive.
A Simple Practice
Take a quiet moment this week and try this exercise:
Write down three “rocks” you’ve been carrying—memories, regrets, or self-judgments.
Next to each one, write: “I was doing the best I could with the awareness I had.”
Fold the paper, hold it for a moment, and imagine yourself gently setting the backpack down.
Notice how it feels, even for a moment, to walk forward without carrying that extra weight.
Closing Reflection
Growth doesn’t come from carrying guilt. It comes from compassion, from insight, and from the willingness to move forward with love for yourself. If you find yourself holding that heavy backpack, remember: you have the choice to put it down.
And if you find it hard to set it down on your own, therapy can provide a place to help you lighten the load and walk forward with greater compassion and freedom.
—
Joseph Mounts M.Ed., AADC, LPC
