Myths About Acceptance (And Why Acceptance Is Central to Making Change)

Acceptance is one of the most misunderstood concepts in therapy.

People often hear the word and assume it means giving up, approving of something harmful, or resigning themselves to a life that won’t change. In practice—especially from a DBT perspective—acceptance is none of those things.

In fact, acceptance is one of the most empowering psychological skills a person can learn.

Let’s clear up a few of the most common myths. There is some repetition and overlap within these myths, but I still think it is important to address them separately for clarity.

Myth #1: Acceptance Means Giving Up

Acceptance is not about helplessness.

It’s about empowerment.

Recognizing the facts of a situation without resistance—without fighting it, denying it, repressing it, or mentally arguing with how it should be—gives us the ability to respond more effectively.

When we stop wasting energy resisting reality, that energy becomes available for choice.

Greater acceptance leads to greater emotional regulation. From a more regulated place—where both the emotional and rational parts of the brain are online—we can engage problems more skillfully instead of reacting impulsively.

Life will always include pain.

But pain plus resistance creates suffering.

Resistance increases suffering and decreases quality of life.

Acceptance reduces unnecessary suffering and expands our options. A more fulfilled life isn’t about avoiding pain—it’s about acceptance and learning the skills to navigate life more effectively.

Myth #2: Acceptance Means Nothing Will Ever Change

This one sounds intuitive, but it gets the process backwards.

The first step to effective change is acceptance.

Acceptance and change are not opposing ideas. They work together.

It’s hard to change what you’re still fighting, denying, repressing, or arguing with (sorry, that repetition I was talking about). As long as your energy is tied up in “this shouldn’t be happening” or “I can’t handle this,” it isn’t available for problem-solving or skillful action (some more repetition).

Acceptance often provides clarity and emotional relief by dropping the extra suffering created by thoughts like:

• This shouldn’t be happening

• I can’t handle this

• This wouldn’t be happening if…

When that extra suffering drops, you gain access to perspective, flexibility, and motivation.

In therapy, acceptance creates the conditions needed for change by allowing you to make skillful choices, not reactive ones.

Myth #3: Acceptance Means Approval or Fatalism

Acceptance does not mean approval. And it does not mean fatalism.

Acceptance is most often used in situations no one would approve of.

In DBT, acceptance means recognizing reality as it is—without resistance (repetition is the best teacher). That doesn’t mean you agree with it, like it, or think it’s okay.

Acceptance does not mean:

• “This is okay”

• “This should have happened”

• “This will never change”

It means:

“This is what’s happening—and I still get to choose my response.”

Accepting a situation is not saying, “This is my fate” or “Nothing can be done.” It’s saying, “This is real—and I can decide what I do next.”

When you stop arguing with reality, you stop adding unnecessary suffering. That space allows for clearer thinking, stronger boundaries, and more effective action.

Acceptance isn’t approval.

And it isn’t resignation.

Belief in your own agency—your power to choose and create change—is essential for a more fulfilled life. Acceptance supports that belief by helping you make choices more skillfully.

Final Thoughts

Acceptance is not passive.

It’s not weak.

And it’s not the opposite of change.

Acceptance is the foundation that allows regulation, clarity, agency, and skillful action to emerge. When paired with skills training, it becomes one of the most powerful tools for improving quality of life.

If you want to learn how to live—and choose—more skillfully, therapy can help.